Just finished my run and am all super sweaty and gross. bet you didn't need to know that. i can just feel the toxins being washed away in sweat. gah. such a gross image.

anyway, i was just reading weemin's blog about the evaluation for camp and i really agree with her. except i think she had to put up with me more than i had to put up with her. after all, i was so worried about the precamp but at least i know now that everything that is being done has to be done carefully and consequences must be thought of behind those actions. i mean, whatever we do, we have to look beyond ourselves and towards the bigger picture. it's not about saying the campers are softies and saying that they have to test their limits. tis true, the limits, but there is always the point where they HAVE no more limits. too numb with pain, too drained to care. seems extreme but your mind at the point of the time of exhaustion is really a powerful thing.

back to the poor weemin thing. sometimes i felt that i was less needed than her. especially during the first day. it SEEMED as though she was handling it and that major decisions were made by her. i felt like i was there to play backup. while i wasn't sure if the campers felt that i was there as backup, i think some of the camp staff did. it just annoyed me greatly that my opinion didn't seemed as valued. plus the first day i was feeling really sick after dinner and everything just snowballed together. i was just looking out watching the campers do their duties outside the den after feeling so super crappy, what with throwing up and everything, and Gladys just passed by and gave me a hug for no good reason. she just hugged me. after she said that clearing rubbish totally sucked. that hug just lightened my mood.

i don't blame anyone for how i felt. the campers certainly gave me enough respect. thing about respect is that, it's earned. it's never given. given unnaturally perhaps but won't it be better to earn respect? and earn it through being fair and understanding, meting out both punishments and rewards as deemed fit? i hope i managed to do that during the camp. seniors yes, why not friends? perhaps i should have told min about how i felt, which i did in little detail, but after the first day and perhaps the second it didn't seem to matter much. perhaps i was also feeling a lot better. don't get offended k min? i still love you lots. haha. (besides it wasn't your fault)

careful planning... the best laid plans of mice and men. you never can tell what will happen, what may happen. i thought i was prepared for the camp but while it was our fault for not sharing the programme details with everyone, there was also a lack of interest in learning about it from others and the last minute information from others.

yup, being a senior is about being responsible. and doesn't mean you graduate or after your enrolment you forget those precious guide laws. because i still remember them and they should not just be words, they are actually quite meaningful and they sometimes guide my actions and thoughts. looking back, i don't see how some can expect so much of others when they can't even set an example for others to follow. empty words. tis true, with great power comes great responsibilty? have your fun but do beneficial stuff as well. guess being called "senior" should mean something, something that you've contributed. ( i sense underlying meaning)

don't do unto others what others have done unto you.

now it sounds high and mighty and perhaps a little hypocritical from some people's point of view. it's not. and i'm entitled to my opinion because i look at the big picture and yes, in case you're wondering, i did evaluation of myself after the camp was over. besides, it's my blog. and who's programme co? lol.

but one thing's clear, though i'm still amazed by it. people will talk about Odyssey like we did Amazon. perhaps it can't be really compared through OUR eyes but it's different in other people's eyes. say whatever you want, it still was a good camp. still filled me with a sense of achievement and pride everytime i reread something to do with camp. and that's good enough for me.

For something other than camp.

Hooray. new year's resolution. do homework before you regret it. stupid history essays which i supposed i have to do one today because if i want to go out and enjoy the post christmas sales i have to finish everything by friday. it's murder trying to go out in the weekend.

still sulking about the countdown party. no one to go with me. so i'm not going. shall celebrate with my nice new bottle of tada! merlot'99! apparently, i thought it was '02 but it wasn't.

still sulking about not having enough money to buy new clothes. and all my stuff.

my mum was going, "shopping again?"
my reply, "christmas shopping over but new year has yet to begin!"
my mum and sis: "-.-;;"

a while later...

my sis, "new year meaning CNY right? not 01/01?"
my reply, "oh yeah, urm... for both then."
my mum's expression clearly said no way. after all, she also wants to go shopping and buy new clothes for herself and not just for us. hahas.

hooked on prince of tennis. i only got until book 7~ i feel like running to kino and buying up the next few books! lovely lovely lovely. ryoma and tezuka are so cute......

my sweat has all dried up. no la, i couldn't take it and went to shower.

i am so lazy. i shall pon school sometime next week. can't wait to go to VJ and squash all the newbies like bugs. ok, i'm not that mean. *squishy squishy* i wonder if that's what past J2s have felt.

oh, do you know there's a cereal that's shaped and looks like chocolate chip cookies, mini-fied version, even tastes like cookies but are not cookies but are cereals? fake cookies! so cute... that reminds me, i've got my coco crunch to eat later. we didn't buy honey stars because i believe they're addictive and i can finish the whole box in a day. it's like Lay's potato chips.

oh, rewatched the Singapore Idol results, and i just kept on thinking, "Sly and Taufik look so good together." half of me was really grossed out but the rabid fanfiction writer in me was having a field day. gah! why am i even thinking of this??? oh, and watch Taufik's I dream video that's showing 31/12/2004 midnight. it looks good from the previews. and really, if you're thinking that i'm seriously obsessed like some rabid fan girl, i'm not. there are people worse than me. and i appreciate talent. and they're good. so stop thinking that i'm mad. i'm just in love with good skills and wonderful vocals.

love Maksim. great piano playing.
love Josh Groban. great voice. super soulful.

i've mentioned more than once that i love guys who are musicians. i shall mention it again.

when i think of something else that's weird, i'll add on. for now, it's time for coco crunch.